Category Archives: Humour & Jokes

“Write Him Up”

Write Him Up

If thy brother does thee wrong,
Write him up.

If he’s weak, ’twill make him strong;
Write him up.

If you know his faults are many,
Write him up.

For, of course, YOU haven’t any;
Write him up.

If some one says aught of YOU,
Write him up.

To let it pass would NEVER do;
Write him up.

If you have an enemy on earth,
Write him up.

Tell his faults from day of birth;
Write him up.

If a preacher makes slight error,
Write him up.

That he may henceforth quake with terror,
Write him up.

If a church is having trouble,
Write it up.

For, of course, ’twill make it double;
Write it up.

If you’re called there for a meeting,
Write it up.

Give their trouble widespread greeting;
Write it up.

— A poem by A. W. Young, of Sunset, Texas (Firm Foundation 21.25 [June 20, 1905], pg. 6).

hilarity

From Slate.com, the Dan Brown plot generator.

This is for all of you who — come on, admit it! — really didn’t care for The Da Vinci Code.


a definition

From Adrian Plass’ Bacon Sandwiches and Salvation, comes this:

King James Version: form in which the Bible was originally written in seventeenth-century English. Later translated into Hebrew and Greek for some obscure reason and then translated back again into those ridiculous modern English versions.

[HT: Scot McKnight]

some poetry

A bit of doggerel from Punch Magazine (25 April 1934).

I Want to Be a Consumer

“And what do you mean to be?”
The kind old Bishop said
As he took the boy on his ample knee
And patted his curly head.
“We should all of us choose a calling
To help Society’s plan;
Then what do you mean to be, my boy,
When you grow up to be a man?”

“I want to be a Consumer,”
The bright-haired lad replied
As he gazed up into the Bishop’s face
In innocence open-eyed.
“I’ve never had aims of a selfish sort,
For that, as I know, is wrong.
I want to be a consumer, Sir,
And help the world along.

“I want to be a Consumer
And work both night and day,
For that is the thing that’s needed most,
I’ve heard economists say,
I won’t just be a Producer,
Like Bobby and James and John;

I want to be a Consumer, Sir,
And help this nation on.”

“But what do you want to be?”
The Bishop said again,
“For we all of us have to work,” said he,
“As must I think be plain.
Are you thinking of studying medicine
Or taking a Bar exam?”
“Why, no!” the bright-haired lad replied
As he helped himself to jam.

“I want to be a Consumer
And live in a useful way;
For that is the thing that’s needed most,
I’ve heard economists say.
There are too many people working
And too many things are made.
I want to be a Consumer, Sir,
And help to further trade.

“I want to be a Consumer,
And do my duty well;
For that is the thing that’s needed most,
I’ve heard Economists tell.
I’ve made up my mind,” the lad was heard
As he lit a cigar, to say;
“I want to be a Consumer, sir,
And I want to begin today.”

–Patrick Barrington

(HT: Front Porch Republic)

It’s Monday.

This cracked me up.

for my local readers

Not that I have any…

Anyway, this man is your Congressman.

absolutely hilarious…

…the Semi-Pelagian Narrower Catechism.